Writing Victory

January 2008 was the first sign of trouble. It took until May to narrow down the problem to my kidneys. A specialist and host of tests followed. By June, I was beginning to feel well enough to catch up on reading that I hadn’t been able to do for months.

Writing was out of the question. Not only did I not have the energy (I mostly slept), but the medication did some real strange things—bad dreams, many, many sleepless nights, a racing mind—that should have been wonderful because what was racing through my mind was ideas for stories, poems, songs, essays, novels, but it was a deluge, coming fast and furious. I couldn’t even begin to write it all down and worse, I would lose the thought before I could.

I was frustrated, but worse depression absolute leveled me. My worse fear had happened, I couldn’t write anymore. I was almost certain I never would again. As I laid on the loveseat, the summer sun warming me, I stared out the window wanting to do my two- mile walk again, wanting to be able to do the cooking, laundry, and all those other mundane chores that a few months ago I complained about. I remembered something a friend told me just before my hysterectomy when I told her how scared I was.

She told me to have something I wanted to do very badly on the other side. I remembered how much that helped, to just keep that goal in your focus when you go into the hospital, while they prep you, while you wait for the doctor pre-op, while you go through recovery. It worked. It pulled me through.

So, I made a goal. I had just finally read the March ’08 issue of Family Circle and the winning short story from the fiction contest. I was going to get well enough to enter it. I was going to write again. Something good enough to enter a national contest.

I may have mentioned all this before, but I wanted to share with readers of my blog my progress because doing the blog was probably the most important step to that goal. It gave me back my voice, gave me a hope that I really could still string words together. I have placed my entry in the mail today.

Victory. I might not win the contest, but victory is mine.

Thanks all.