As my vet said so eloquently, “This sucks.”
A sudden fast growing tumor and we had to make the worse
decision pet owners ever have to make.
The place next to me as I write this is empty. Last night
empty of comforting snores. I’m without a companion, the shadow at my heels.
I think I’m okay. I’m not sure.
L.E wasn’t perfect.
She had bad knees, bad hips, bad shoulders, was stubborn to
a fault, hypersensitive to all forms of stimulus, some would say not the
smartest pup in the litter. She was actually too smart for her own good, but we
rubbed together and she was always there for me. When I was alone as my husband
traveled for work, when I was fighting illness, when I was struggling with my
writing, as I gardened. She replaced an irreplaceable dog and stepped up to the
plate.
Strange, that when we’ve told most of our loved ones the
first question has been: “Are you getting another dog? or “When are you getting
another dog?
I don’t believe in not getting attached, in protecting my heart. No, I
believe in casting my heart clear over the barn, so I do, every time, and I’m
pretty sure, I’ll keep doing so. That’s all right, too, because:“It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.
And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart.
If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog,
and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
- Anonymous
By now, I should be mostly dog, but there is enough human
heart that I’m still not as generous or loving as I should be, so another dog
is likely in my future, but I need time.
For L.E. A Good Dog (The highest compliment in her eyes.)
“He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other
ears that hear above the winds. His is the part of me that can reach out into
the sea. He has told me a thousand times
over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the
way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when
I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is
not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I
am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded.
When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am
only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught
me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private
peace. He has brought me understanding where I was ignorant. His head on my
knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my
fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me…whenever…wherever
– in case I need him. And I expect I will – as I always have. His is just my
dog.” Gene Hill
