L.E.

As my vet said so eloquently, “This sucks.”

A sudden fast growing tumor and we had to make the worse decision pet owners ever have to make.

The place next to me as I write this is empty. Last night empty of comforting snores. I’m without a companion, the shadow at my heels.

I think I’m okay. I’m not sure.

L.E wasn’t perfect.

She had bad knees, bad hips, bad shoulders, was stubborn to a fault, hypersensitive to all forms of stimulus, some would say not the smartest pup in the litter. She was actually too smart for her own good, but we rubbed together and she was always there for me. When I was alone as my husband traveled for work, when I was fighting illness, when I was struggling with my writing, as I gardened. She replaced an irreplaceable dog and stepped up to the plate.

Strange, that when we’ve told most of our loved ones the first question has been: “Are you getting another dog? or “When are you getting another dog?

I don’t believe in not getting attached, in protecting my heart. No, I believe in casting my heart clear over the barn, so I do, every time, and I’m pretty sure, I’ll keep doing so. That’s all right, too, because:

 “It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.

And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart.

If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog,

and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”

- Anonymous

By now, I should be mostly dog, but there is enough human heart that I’m still not as generous or loving as I should be, so another dog is likely in my future, but I need time.

For L.E. A Good Dog (The highest compliment in her eyes.)

“He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. His is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told  me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me…whenever…wherever – in case I need him. And I expect I will – as I always have. His is just my dog.” Gene Hill