A Little This, A Little That

I had my doctor’s visit this week. I’ve been worrying. Not because I wasn’t feeling disgustingly good physically. A bit gray around the edges and funky because of the on-going gray, funky weather. Where is spring, after all? My eyes itch for color, flowers and my hands are need of dirt, rich, loamy dirt. And that smell, you know the one of greening and blooms and… I digress…as usual this time of year into gardening talk, walk and shop.

Anyway, I’ve been worrying, so afraid the rug would get pulled out from under me again. But, no! All my labs were even better this time. My protein levels: my creatine levels normal, my kidney function, all normal. The only sign of MPGN is a trace of blood in my urine. This is all good. Better than good. Still, there is that tiny, little smidge whispering in my head that my kidneys have been damaged 30%. I slapped that thought silly. I’m going with better than good.

I’ll imagine my kidney girls on guard. (I know, I know, but it’s worked. That image of kidney girls fighting this fight, wearing red ribbons, being strong, fighting women has help me and I like to think it helped fight this disease. I draw little drawings depicting just that and keep it near my desk, just to keep a strong mindset.) I’ll watch my salt and my diet, walk, lift weights, crochet, garden, smile, laugh and write.

♥♥♥

As I’ve written about before, I’m de-cluttering, cleaning and organizing my whole house, but particularly my office. I’m actually obsessive compulsive, too neat until it comes to paper, notebooks, books, pens, office supplies, my writing. While I was sick and recovering I really let things go to heck and gone. I wrote notes on anything that was handy, never transcribed any of them into the computer. Then I first started on the prednisone ideas were synapsing through my head at the speed of light and I couldn’t catch them fast enough to make sense. Well, I’ve been wading through all that. One thing I can say is I kept it all, every blessed thing. I think I was afraid not to. Who knew what might be the gem from that experience?

Now I’m trying to get all those things transcribed into the computer, judging what can be salvaged and what is just plain gibberish and can I really tell the difference? It has been enlightening. It has showed me another facet of this illness or probably, of any illness. A side you don’t know when you are taking care of a loved one, or trying to support a friend. Unless you’ve been there, you don’t know about all the ragged edges of illness. The little things you lose and fear, the crumble of the comforting routine of your life, the loss of autonomy. I think for me that was the hardest thing.

Through all this going through, organizing and transcribing, I’ve been determined to keep with editing and polishing Tie-down, along with the gardening and my mom and the duties of day to day. It’s been a challenge. The bad weather has actually helped. (For now, but I just know once the weather turns I’m in for some mighty long days.)

But, quite by accident I found a great way to get some of this done and the plus side is, it really has helped with production and keeping my focus on my writing and Tie-down man. Even better yet, the trick will serve me well for some time because there is sooooo much writing, notes and etc. to go through.

When I first sit down at my desk, I start transcribing; I spend about fifteen minutes doing that and then move right into my writing. It’s amazing how that quick and certain start flows right into a great work session. No hemming and hawing, no looking at e-mail or trying to figure out what to work on. Just start transcribing. For some reason, I just move on to what I need to do.

A great way to hit the road running.

By the way, Happy Birthday, Rod McKuen. He made me think my poetry, mostly free verse, worth sharing. Without that, I would never have entered, even one poetry contest.